I admit I do get entertained when I see someone who is against anything gay get busted with a same sex lover or a preacher who is condemning whores and other sex workers gets caught paying for their services. I just never thought I would be in a front row seat of an event like this just before it got out.
I have a very dear friend that is a sex worker by everyday description but in the Shamanic circles she is more the Sacred Sexuality practicioner. I see the service she provides as an asset to the community. After a few years into her Shamanic training she ventured into porn in the United States and Australia, went into stripping at a club in Ft. Lauderdale Florida and now works as an escort throughout the States. Back when she was a stripper she had a guy that would come by and spend up to one thousand dollars in a few hours on her. They would sit together and he would talk to her of “courtly love”. He seemed to be a nice guy and would also send her money when she needed it or just as a gift. As the years went by he decided to be one of her escort clients. It all sounds good except for the lies, strange behavior and last minute cancellations of appointments. Granted, most men have various reasons for keeping the meetings secret from marriage, work and of course the public scrutiny of sex work in this culture, and therein lies the real story.
So it worked out that said client with a history of a couple years is a “missionary” for a very large international church that is currently doing major disaster relief work. My friend had always wondered about her client and the unlikely place where he said he lived, his alleged business (not church related and doesn’t exist) yet his phone number was from an even different location. Makes sense now. Funny how even the most staunch republican christians forget about who can find them on Facebook.
It does make me wonder about a few ethical things. I’m not talking about the sex. Everyone likes to get laid or whatever. I’m not talking about the gay sex he said he had and fantasizes about as he may preach against it. I wonder about the money that was donated by people who thought their dollars were going to help someone in need. I may be wrong but I don’t think these missionaries make the kind of money to drop a stripper a thousand dollars in an afternoon, give away lots of gifts to her along with extra money or pay her $400 an hour for her company, as well as the other women he says he saw.
I wonder how this guy acts in a very poor country where he is seen as a guiding light, bringer of food, hope and salvation to those poor young women who are going through such hard times. I guess when your Facebook profile and website shows all the good work you are doing and that you come from a lineage of preachers, no one (especially your wife and kids) would ever think you are that type of hypocrite, skimming off the cash for your own pleasure as you spew the word of God. No one would think that you are hovering in strip clubs getting lap dances from teenage porn stars. One can only imagine what you could get away with as the powerful, Godly white man in a poor third world country where people are struggling just to stay alive. What would people think if they really knew you? This takes us to the next part. Should she or shouldn’t she?
As a Spiritual leader I have been told many things that I didn’t ask to hear by the people I was working with. I kept it all to myself. Afterall, these were people who needed an unbiased ear and confidant to get them through tormenting times. It’s a different story when other Spiritual leaders tell you something that is totally hypocritical or crosses the line, or you get the info another way that can be varified. In the Shamanic circle we police ourselves so we can keep some form of ethical performance standards, even if we seem like we are the Black Sheep of metaphysics. I consider Sacred Lovers to be Spiritual leaders but they are in a separate class as they can go deeper into the soul through their intimate skills. With Shamans we say “Either you come clean or we bust you out.” This particular Sacred Lover is deeply considering her responsibilities to her trade, her client and the public. Does she treat him as another spiritual leader and tell him he needs to come clean? Does she give him a deadline and bring him out if he misses the date? Does she leave it alone and hope he doesn’t continue to abuse the funds he is trusted with or his position of power in the presence of young impoverished women? Should she or shouldn’t she?
It was interesting to watch how eerily the internet provided all this information and put all the pieces together about a man I have known her to frequent over the years. Profiles, websites, family history, albums, degrees, certifications, awards and memberships of a man living the wealthy, Godly life, preaching for the Word and preaching against those sinning gays and nasty whores and other sex workers whose permiscuous indescretion erode our communal fabric and destroy family values. Amen and all that.
I don’t know what she will do about this. If she brings him out it will cause some serious waves but if she lets it go it could surface in a worse way with possible damage to people who trusted in a man they saw as a trusted guide in life. A man who went to a great effort to hide his true profession from the sinners he was intimately involved with.
Should she bring him out? Feel free to leave your opinions and comments.
wow, this is powerful. The paragraphs about the relief work and what could potentially happen to young girls in impoverished places is giving me chills. I find this horrifying. I don’t know what she should do. I don’t want her unsafe and I don’t want her publicly being ridiculed and not believed. Does she have any good evidence to leak?
So many people in positions of power abuse their funds. This is crazy. Are others coming out about him?
She has plenty of evidence in E mails over a few years as well as other strippers that remember him frequently coming into the club. I’m sure they really remembered him the day he dropped $1000 on her to just sit and talk. They know his real name from credit card purchases but don’t know who he is as of yet.
Of course she had no idea until now who and what he was and it angers her that it’s possible some of the money he was throwing around came from very poor people wanting to give what they could to a trusted spiritual leader to use wisely. There’s a duality in appreciating the patronage then discovering where it may have came from. This has been going on for over three years with her. Who knows who else for what ever time and costs. She knows this will be a very devastating thing on his family and therein lies her hesitation. She’s a very compassionate woman who loves her work and genuinely cares for her companions. She has always been extremely discreet and protective but this has her in turmoil over her next move since she would be the first to come out with it. The potential for him to damage children makes this a different scenario. If she says nothing she could see later that a move now could have prevented something.
I think the only danger would be getting mobbed by the media. I don’t think there would be any redicule after she describes how he likes sex. The E mails will have her very believable.
This is the kind of thing you see on the news and considering where he is and what he’s doing right now, it would be an international mess.
To me, the situation seems very clear.
First, some detail on my background and skills. This will help readers understand why I say certain things and why I am qualified to comment.
I am a former Christian minister – I have an extensive understanding of ‘church’ matters across a range of denominations, including Pentecostal/evangelical. (I was persecuted because of my sincerity).
I am a licensed Private Detective. (These days part time).
My main work areas currently are (will continue long-term) life coaching, counseling (including sex counseling), business coaching (people stuff) and Shamanism.
I have experience in the adult industry (high customer & other ethics, I might add).
I understand and practice ’sex magic’.
Now to my comments…
It appears that this man is almost certainly stealing money. If so, the money is being stolen from needy people. Some donated by well meaning people. The description of this man fits the profile of an offender (Private Eye hat on).
This is clearly a ghastly state of affairs. When you add the hypocrisy on top it is even worse. Jesus Himself had some very strong and severe words for such religious hypocrites.
This man should be exposed simply because he is robbing the poor, needy and perhaps dying.
He should also be exposed because the Christian religion is misleading so many people and making a mess of many lives & heads (I do Christian exit counseling and pick up the pieces). By exposing such a man, many more people will become aware of false hope and false belief, among many other things. This will help to set them free of religious bondage and dogma.
This man has also been persecuting parts of society (preaching against sex workers etc), yet partaking of it himself. This is unjust and must stop. Exposing him will help the woman’s profession.
As far as the lady being concerned about the client aspect is concerned…when I come across a bad client (bad for business reasons) I decline to be involved further. This guy is not only hurting people in the adult industry unjustly, he is hurting gays (with his preaching), and needy, suffering people, as well as the donors of his money who may have made sacrifices so as to give (there are some very good people in church too – though not all givers are good).
The wife, children, family and friends of this man deserve to know the truth about him. The real him. Not some ‘plastic religious image’.
The man is claiming to hear from and speak for God (Spirit). He is leading many astray.
The man may be dangerous, or become so when he realizes he is about to be exposed. He appears to have plenty of money and a defective conscience. We cannot guarantee the lady’s safety. The tip off should be anonymous, perhaps with prior surveillance (done by a professional, not someone with a video camera). Possibly via a news outlet.
Exposure of this man is actually good for him too.
For more on the spiritual, and psychological reasons why this man needs to be exposed read this post:
http://blackshaman.net/2009/02/02/key-life-fix/
Multitudes of people are being deluded by people like the guy in your post. Exposing him will help many reach freedom and clarity.
Wow! What a dilemma. I believe it is of the utmost importance to stop this cretin in his tracks. His family is suffering through false hopes and beliefs, his congregation is suffering through the same means, and someone may really suffer in the future. Sometimes one must take risk in order to try and bring some truth into the world. All of my spiritual heroes have grappled with this aspect of trying to live a sane life in an insane world. I understand that the lady involved may trigger extreme violence from this man as he obviously is very deluded, but good people make a difference, and people like this cannot be allowed to operate with such impunity.
When it comes down to it, the responsibility lies on the sex worker, which is ironic because in a moslty Christian nation her profession is sure to be judged as “demonic”.
She must quiet all the outside (and inside) voices and meditate deeply and do what her heart tells her too. A pure heart speaks only truth.
I agree with Alex. Although it will be heartbreaking and traumatic in the short term, there is not a single person in this situation who will not ultimately benefit by busting this guy. We can’t fear truth or the profound change that it will have on us. Of course, this situation will be a “worst nightmare come true” for both this man and his family, but sometimes that is just what is required to bring people to a state of real peace and joy.
One of the most profound lessons I have learned is the importance of truthfulness. One of the greatest yogis of all time, Patanjali, said it this way,”When a man becomes steadfast in his abstention from falsehood, he gets the power for himself and others the fruits of good deeds, without having to perform the deeds themselves.” Christopher Isherwood and Swami Prabhavananda elaborate on this idea by saying,”…when a man becomes perfected in truthfulness, he gains control, so to speak, of the truth. He no longer has to ‘obey’ facts, facts obey him. He cannot even think or dream a lie; everything he says becomes true…. He can also perform miraculous cures by simply telling a sick man that he is well.”
In other words, all real creation starts with the truth. We have a duty to ourselves and others to speak and live the truth. As far as spiritual growth is concerned, one our most important duties to our fellow man or woman is to allow them the opportunity to be truthful, whether we are lending a nonjudgemental ear, or if we are busting them, so to speak. This is the basis of pure creativity, or creation without karma. How many of us have read books like “The Secret,” and, in spite of learning these facts about how to create our own reality,have not experienced any earth-shattering changes in our lives? This is because most of these books leave out the first and most important step–to become absolutely truthful. This means speaking the truth as we know it, and also bringing all of our unconscious blind spots to light. Otherwise, everything we create in our life will at least be partially based on lies, and we will then experience the karmic repercussions of that act. Think of all the karma, or bondage, this preacher is creating for everyone involved in this situation!
This brings us to the next lesson that Patanjali teaches, “When a man becomes steadfast in his abstention from theft, all wealth comes to him.” Or, as Vivekenanda puts it, “The more you fly from nature the more she follows you, and if you do not care for her at all, she becomes your slave.” If we are to be truly powerful in this world, we cannot take what is not rightfully ours. This man has not only done a great disservice to others by misusing funds, he has also forfeited his own power in the material world. Now, instead of nature obeying him, he must submit to the fate that nature has in store for him. Whether it comes now or later, payback will come to him.
On the same token, the sex worker took money from him, which she now knows was more or less stolen funds. She has a duty not only to others, but to herself, to somehow make amends. Chances are, most of this money is already spent on her living expenses. But, if some is left, she can vow to donate it to the poor at the time that she outs this guys, or perhaps she can set up a charitable fund to help return some of this money. This will not only clear her conscience and restore her power in the material world, but it will be tremendous PR for sex workers. How about auctioning off dates with sexy bachelor/bachelorettes for charity? Call me nuts, but what a great way to make a positive out of this negative situation!
I would love to see this hypocrite exposed. However, as a Sacred Sexual Practitioner, isn’t her fiduciary owed to her client regardless of his immorality? If a person confessed a crime to a priest, isn’t the priest obligated to keep that secret?
If word got out that she outed her client, she could face a massive fallout. It could go either way. She could lose clients because they may feel they can’t trust her or the notoriety could boost business. Then there are the legal issues if she is outed for the work she does. She may not be able to continue that line of work because the heat would be on it.
This is an interesting ethical dilemma. If she does decide to out him, I agree with Alex that she should do it anonymously, preferably with him not being able to figure out who outed him. Actually, she may be able to make some money by selling it to the press.
If I were her, I’d look into whatever possible scenarios could result through her actions and think long and hard on her dilemma before doing anything. I wish her well and hope she does what feels right for her to live with. I don’t envy her situation. All I can say now is wow and good luck!
Personally I wouldn’t recommend exposure because it would be hard (impossible?) to manage the possible outcomes, some of which could be unpleasant for her. Besides, I would imagine a jerk this reckless is going to be exposed anyway — it’s just a matter of time.
The point about confidentiality is a good one. Throughout time the paid companion was the keeper of secrets and the neutral zone where one could escape their troubles and stress though in this situation he is one of those who preaches against the pleasures and refuge he seeks.
On the spiritual side: As a practitioner of Sacred Sexuality, does she look at this as a calling for his healing? Does being slammed by the media send him deeper into the same repressive dogma he would seek refuge from? Could she help him to see the importance of her role in society and gain an ally for herself and her trade?
One part of me would like to see another suppressive christian hypocrite crash and burn and another part is wondering if there is another way, another end result other than the obvious? What if he confessed his appreciation for her kind and the real lie was that her trade is evil? Possibility or fantasy?
Hmmm…I have an attorney friend who came up with another option. Drop him as a client using any plausible excuse and let it go. Karma will take care of it. Your friend is not responsible for anything the preacher does. By removing herself from the situation she will be safe as well as free of the drama and negative energy this guy is carrying around. That way, the chips will fall where they’re supposed to. Also, when he eventually gets caught, she won’t be involved. Just a thought worth considering.
Maybe your friend should have one last kiss with the preacher, so to speak to moralize and slug it out–at his expense, of course, lol. Then tell him he is on his own to either move forward, evolve and heal or eventually crash and burn when he eventually gets exposed. Lay it all in his lap as to what could happen but leave the choice up to him. Or you could do something else. Still not sure–way too many scenarios here. Very thought provoking.
Once again America’s addiction to drama becomes so blatant.
The majority of commenters on this blog are NOT sex workers, so no one can really speak from a place of authority about WHY she should out this guy.
As a sex worker you’re being compensated for a service, that services is sexuality, sensuality, companionship and CONFIDENTIALITY.
When I worked as a dancer, I had men coming to me on a daily basis pouring their hearts out, they’re all hypocritical assholes in one way or another, should I have outed any of them?
Yes, his money may have been coming from a bad place. But so is a lot of money. Just because she’s provided someone for a service does not mean she owes the public anything, nevermind an explanation.
wait- hold up. she has no obligation WHATSOEVER to donate any of her money to charity. Fuck that. She donated it to her life and her amazing writing that helps so many and gives a positive, realistic, authentically lived voice to sex workers and believe me we need more like her because it’s essential to our SURVIVAL that we have more of her out there writing and living positively. She in no way needs to redeem her end. She owes no one anything. If she finds that her heart needs her to out this man then we are all behind her, but sorry life is hard and this woman is young and a sex-worker and not at all rich and only a rich person would suggest she give the equivalent of this money to a charity to clear her conscience. Seriously fuck that stupid comment. I will come back later to speak more positively once I am done being pissed about that one.
auctioning off dates for charity? are you out of your mind? you are definitely not a sex worker. do you know how difficult and intense the word we do is? she should auction it off for free for a pr campaign!?!?!?! what the hell are you talking about. she doesn’t owe anybody shit. outing him will be hard enough and will clear up any karma she might have accrued, which i don’t think is much. jesus
hawk, great points and considerations. very well said.
if she decides to let it go completely that is ok too. she is a sex worker and she is young and going up against this kind of thing could be incredibly unsafe. it could be lucrative. it could be traumatic. it could be a lot of things. i want her safe. bottom line.
i’m gonna shift my stance in light of the great things i’ve read in the last few posts. let sex workers remain in the neutral zone or else one day we may lose the service all together.
trust the infallible laws of kharma to deal with this. the universe doesn’t make mistakes we just fail to understand events in their proper context.
also, i caught myself indulging my hind-brain with longings for retribution and the rush of good drama. and for that, i apologize.
great discussion, though.
I agree with Davka and would not advise her to out this guy.
“On the same token, the sex worker took money from him, which she now knows was more or less stolen funds. She has a duty not only to others, but to herself, to somehow make amends.”
Also, on another note, we do not take anyone’s money, they hand it over to us by the fistfuls. We are not thieves or con artists, we are service providers first and foremost.
I would hope we could use the tone of these comments as a general overview to how most people feel about sex workers and that it’s only a very small percentage of people who don’t think well of them and their trade. After all, there’s only been concern for her safety and well being in all of the possible outcomes. Everyone has been sympathetic to her situation and the processing involved.
I have tremendous respect for the discipline sex workers command in their working environment and towards the general public who is unfamiliar with their world. Their stress and frustration is justified as they maneuver the worlds of condemning hypocrisy, ignorance, spirituality, law and politics while trying to work and live their life.
I’ve known women in this industry since the early 70’s and I can tell you they seldom get to work with the type of people they would see as their ideal clients. I wouldn’t expect a sweet response to suggesting they give away a date to what they may feel they aren’t getting paid near enough for at work. I wish the general public really knew more of their world.
At this time she is looking for a way that will serve the best interests all around. The virtue of complete thought lives in time.
found the blog and I agree with Alex….he should be exposed anonymously and she should not have any thing to do with him any more.
Everyone that is commenting that isn’t a sex worker, should really think before they start spewing useless responses.
How/why would she out him anonymously? Do you have any idea what sex work is about? Have you ever worked as a stripper/escort/anything besides “normal” jobs?
Does anyone also consider the fact that she has bills to pay? Remember the part where Hawk mentioned this was one of her FAVORITE clients? Do you know that its a little rare in this business? Marketing is a bitch and you only come across a true keeper once in a while, someone you actually enjoy talking to or being around? Its a fucking rarity.
Bottom line is it all boils down to $$$$. Seems like that’s all people care about these days. She will have to live with her choices as will everyone else. I miss the days when people really cared about each other. Hawk is right…we’re all bankrupt in so many ways.
The thing we’re weighing right now is whether or not to take some form of action, because of the opportunity presented. A chance, but how to know if it should be taken or missed? there’s a moment in each life that if seized, will change the course of that life forever. A characteristic of this breakthrough moment is that it will seem like your own strength/expertise is being used against you- which is this girl’s case, in my opinion anyways. The ethnic code we’re debating on -should she or shouldn’t she- is talking about the Quality of her relationship with her Self. The point of all this isn’t how to choose between “Right” action and “Wrong” action,or to expose something for the “sake of better good”- the point is determining which path leads you/Her quickest to victory, HER victory- which means her Success of Growth, not the obtaining of moral “fairness”. We can agree then that the goal is to figure out how to MOVE TOWARDS her success, rather than focusing on the dilemma itself (of should she or shouldn’t she- cause that’s the question, not the answer)
With that being said, the facts are: To everything there is a beginning, middle, and end, which is followed by a new beginning. Based on how things look, she’s at a gateway for a new beginning, and from my experience, when you reach a gateway, you’re not supposed to actually DO anything. Sometimes Non-Action is the only form of action you can take to seize an opportunity. When you reach something as big as this, all you can really do is sit yourself down and wait on the will of the universe. We do without doing and everything gets done. There’s not enough light to see clearly so i dont think its a good idea to make any decisions. When the universe puts you in a corner, it’s time to reach within, cause at this point there’s no point in her relying on outside opinions for help. Her predicament is a reflection of her journey, and she does not know what to do because there is nothing to be done just yet- you cannot exert control over what has not yet come to form.
i apologize if this comes across strangely, i’m having a bit of trouble translating my thoughts on here, but i hope this helps.
the only thing advice i have for her is to Trust your own Process. Even if it asks you to walk into the dark empty handed- cause sometimes its necessary when there’s nothing you can honestly do. Remember that Timely Retreat is among the skills of a Spiritual Warrior. Non-Action is frustrating but the type of endurance these situations call for most of the time is patience. Look for what’s hidden! it’s the only thing left you need.
How to move towards her growth is the question, to wait and grow is the answer.